Hosting the Quintessential Dinner Party
The thing about hosting a dinner party is so much could go wrong. In that case, it’s a little like being on stage. Behind the scenes there might have been forgotten queues, missed notes or wrong lines, but the crowd doesn’t notice. The show goes on and the details that didn’t go as planned are usually not obvious to those in the crowd singing along and enjoying the experience.
Hosting a dinner party can feel similar in terms of preparation and execution. There might be missed details, like too many appetizers and not enough bowls, dishes in the sink you wished you’d gotten to as your first few guests begin spilling through the front door, or the recipe that is still cooking through and didn’t got as planned. Yet, the friends and family filling up the living room and the sound of clanking glasses and chatter overshadow the scrambling in the kitchen hours before. In the moment, no one notices (or minds) the missed details. What makes the night perfect is the people and the presence. But, don’t count out the importance of deliberate preparation. To make guests feel comfortable, and create a memorable and warm atmosphere, sometimes too casual of an approach can have the opposite effect. Life is nothing if not a balance, after all.
When hosting a quintessential dinner party, the preparation is important, but relieve yourself of the pressure of reaching for perfection in the details. Most details will come together and, though some may not, it won’t puncture the evening. It’s the community and conversation that steals the show. Being extravagant versus being intentional is the difference between being perfect and prepared. Intentionality and preparation win every time compared to extravagance and perfection.
Quintessential refers to the most perfect or typical example of something. In the context of a dinner party, it would refer to an evening that embodies all the essential elements and characteristics that make it a memorable and enjoyable experience.
“Being extravagant versus being intentional is the difference between being perfect and prepared.”
Let’s dissect a few elements of what makes a dinner party a quintessential, memorable one.
Pick your setting
Consider the season and weather during your dinner party. If it’s an autumn gathering and the forecast is warmer than normal, consider setting a place outside to set up tables, turn on stringed lights, and let the rich fall colors provide natural decor. If your party is set for the summer, consider the heat or humidity as a factor whether you choose an indoor or outdoor setting. When hosting your event outside, keep in mind the seasonal insects. Use citronella candles or have bug spray available to keep bugs off of your guest list.
When setting up inside, consider the place settings and number of chairs or tables needed. Consider the volume of your music or the number of lights turned on or off, making the ambiance comfortable and not too loud and bright, but not too dim and quiet. Again, oftentimes life is all about the balance.
Offer a variety of food
Offer variations that fit the season, the theme (if you have one), and the expectations of the evening. Are you throwing a full dinner party, fit with appetizers and an entrée with sides? Or are you offering light bites and small plates? Depending on the goal of your evening, make it clear to guests if they should munch ahead of time or if they can expect to be set for the “dinner” part of their evening plans with you. Unless you are offering a full-blown entrée, or even in the light bites scenario, consider adding multiple variations of food.
Think about offering various dips, a decadent cheeseboard, vegetables and fruit, meat and cheeses, and hot and cold options. Include elements that might cater to various types of foodies. Include light options, heavy options, vegetarian-friendly options, and meat-lover options. Offer a big salad of crunchy greens, fitting with the season, to add an element of freshness to your menu.
Know your guests. If you are unsure about gluten, dairy, or other allergies, simply ask! Otherwise, err on the side of caution and add texture to the menu by offering allergy-friendly food. No matter the circumstance, everyone will be grateful for options.
Have a drink station
When offering drinks, again — know your audience. Offer a variety of drink options: red wine, white wine, beer, a cocktail bar, and ensure to have plenty of non-alcoholic options. Make sure water is obvious and available, and offer lemonade, sparkling water, or a non-alcoholic juice cocktail as an alternative. Create a signature drink if the event calls for it. For instance, for a holiday party, offer a festive batch cocktail in a punch bowl or pitcher.
Have a station set with ice, plastic cups, and a permanent marker for guests to claim their cup.
When guests arrive and you are welcoming them in, guide them to the drink station providing them the options available. This will instantly make them feel welcomed and comfortable, like they won’t have to ask for a drink or a glass of water!
Consider the ambience
For your dinner party, consider the lighting and music that might help fill in gaps or set a comfortable tone throughout the evening. Pick a playlist that can play as a subtle undertone throughout the night, at a volume level that can be heard, but doesn’t over power the conversation. If there is ever a lull, it won’t feel like it if music is underlaying the evening. If the conversation stops and there is no music, it can feel startling how obvious the silence might feel!
Similar to music, consider the levels of lighting available to you. Light subtle candles throughout the space, but don’t let the sent overpower the food. Choose lighting that feels warm and just enough. Too much or too bright of light can feel sterile, and too dim of light can sometimes feel too formal.
“No matter the circumstance, everyone will be grateful for options.”
Drop greenery or short vases of fresh flowers on side tables and counters to add another fresh element.
Include a wind down hour
Depending on the cadence and momentum of the evening (for instance, if there is not a 6:00 - 9:00pm end time established), consider offering a wind down hour with dessert, tea, decaf coffee, or even a digestif or nightcap.
This is a wonderful opportunity to thank your guests for joining, offering a natural way to taper off the night. And, it provides time to recount the valuable moments of community and conversation that just preceded.
The secret to hosting the quintessential dinner party is to make it your own. Be intentional and make your guests feel welcome, comfortable, acknowledged, and cared for, and your dinner party will be a hit. When the evening ends and the last guest makes her way out the front door, you’ll be able to stand in your foyer looking at the empty plates, the sink full of glasses, and the trailing crumbs around the counter, accompanied by the few dim lights still buzzing and the playlist that has now made its third rotation through, and relish in the conversation and community that preceded your last, “Goodbye and thank you for coming.”
My Mom cherishes this reflection when she hosts dinner parties. She often turns up the music and dances her way to the sink, picking up plates and reminiscing about the evening. My parents and I would tag-team clean-up: breaking down tables, taking out trash, loading the dishwasher, hand-washing the china, and throughout it all they would talk about the moments and laughter that filled the room (or backyard).
“... beyond the details, the best part of the evening is the people who filled the room.”
And when it was all clean and everything put in its place, my Mom would look at us and say, “It looks like we never even had a party.” But, we felt like we did. The dichotomy was humorous and beautiful to me: using the time to clean up to reflect and un-do everything we planned to do, because it is all about people, after all.
If I offer any other piece of advice, it would be to clean up the same night for two reasons: 1. you will be grateful in the morning and 2. you can capitalize on that time of reflection to reminisce on the evening, recounting the memories made and the moments created. And, you’ll be able to turn in with a full heart and a clean kitchen, as if you never even had a party; because beyond the details, the best part of the evening is the people who filled the room.
Unspoken Rules (of Thumb)
FHB: Family Hold Back
If there might be a concern for the amount of food, family hold back until every guest has been served. But, a respectful rule of thumb no matter what is that hosts go after guests.
Add a Soundtrack
Everything is better with music in the background. Pick a playlist that matches the theme of the event. Press play and let it fill in any gaps for you.
Always Greet Your Guests
When your guests arrive, always greet them and provide a simple ‘lay of the land.’ Where can they drop their purse? Offer drink options so they aren’t wondering where a glass of water is. If you are held up with last minute details, enlist someone to greet guests, making them feel welcome and comfortable from the beginning.
Include an Element of Something Fresh
Consider adding fresh flowers, fresh greenery on the tablescape, or offer fresh food.
Don’t Underestimate Making a List
We are bound to forget something! Make a list to help keep track of dinnerware, food, drinks, details like lighting candles, or filling water glasses. Oh, and don’t forget the ice!
Inspired by my mom, Claudia, who truly is the hostess with the mostest.
